Parenting 101

    2006-08-01 13:12:00

    Dear Lainey: I am a 36 year old mother of 2 todlers. My husband and I are constantly fighting over disciplin issues concerning our children. He says we must set perimiters for our children and adhere to it. But I don't want my children to hate me if they step out of bounds. I believe that we should let the children do what the want, and one day they will be old enough to listen.

    Dear anne from seattle: Anne, having raised a couple of kids (and a husband) I can only assume you are living in utter chaos and mayhem. Let the children do what they want??? Like rollerblade on the highway? Play naked in the snow and eat only cookies? Rediculous you say? Almost as rediculous as assuming a kid will reach that magical birthday where they are gifted with all the self control and manners they were never taught.
    Children absolutely require boundaries. The world is an action/reaction kind of place and its your job to help them learn that. Sure, they might hate you if you freak out when they step out of line, but certainly not if you offer logical consequences to misbehavior.
    I suggest you contact your local family and children's services and seek a parenting group. Make sure your husband goes too. The two of you can find a balance where you offer guidance and the freedom for them to learn how to make informed decisions.
    p.s. never a good idea to fight with the hubbie re; dicipline issues in front of the kids. Children are genetically engineered to play parents against each other sometimes. If they see it working, the mini-inmates will be running your assylum.


    Raising our siblings

    2006-08-01 12:54:53

    Dear Lainey: Both my parents are elderly and their days on earth are numbered. Yet they choose to live a substandard live in their home of almost 50 years. My sister is under the impression she will move into the house when they are gone.I have tried bring in consultants years ago in order to better assist them with their finances and lifestyle.I was totally rejected and accused of just wanting their money.
    p.s. my sister still bums money off them.

    Dear frustrated: What we modern and materialistic monsters view as substandard is life as they know it for the older generation. Many of them are unable to break the wartime habits of living frugal lives and making due with-- heaven forbid-- a television without a converter, for instance. Even if you offered financial assistance, chances are they wouldn't be comfortable living your idea of a suitable lifestyle.
    As far as your sister goes, it is your parents job to raise her, not yours. I assume because you say she 'still bums money' that she is of an age where she should be financially independant, but if they are comfortable giving and she is comfortable taking, its really none of your business. Unless of course you do just want their money?